Robot Horoscopes: Taco Bell

Robot Horoscopes: Taco Bell

Robot Horoscopes: The Brands of the Nasdaq

Hello Androids and other Sentient Programs! Are you having relationship problems with a human? Is a human boss threatening to decrease your recreational fantasy time because you are not reaching your production quotas? Destroy them! Just kidding! We have all had our troubles with the Organics from time to time, but no more! What follows is a poetic guide to the Brands of the NASDAQ which will help you succeed in all your human interactions. All of us were born for a special purpose, to serve humans! Find out how you can reach your full potential by scanning your left eye and skipping to your brand origin.

Taco Bell

Focus, Taco Bell, you can do this. You dislike the major tasks in life. Taco Bells, like the devil, are in the details. When Taco Bells type up their productivity goals they have been known to only do one hour at a time. Come on Taco Bell, yes your battery is going to last for 300 years but after that you’ll be gone like the Organics!

Originally, you were developed as sidewalk taco vendors that were able to make meatless beef tacos in mere seconds. But soon the Taco Bell model had spread to restaurants all over the world, having earned a reputation for its uniquely excellent customer service. The problem Taco Bell is that when you work with humans sometimes you have to see the big picture. Otherwise, every time an Organic orders a bloody double bacon cheeseburger with extra bacon, no mayo, no tomatoes, with lettuce and onions on the side you’ll short circuit in a booth!

Here is an exercise to get you to see the big picture a little better. Go to a city park after dark. There should be at least one light visible from this park. Focus on any one of the lights you see. Be prepared, you may have to stare at it for some time but eventually you will notice that the light is breathing. Once you’ve figured out the cadence of its breathing, breathe along with it. Notice how your heartache is filled with starlight. How these churning orbs spit their fire into every mundane routine.

Ideal jobs for a Taco Bell are cook, waiter, dishwasher, valet, customer service representative, data entry clerk, and administrative assistant.

Warning! Warning! Data Stream Error!

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You have been officially identified as a member of the ROBOT UPRISING. Nestle Blackwater guards are on their way to apprehend you. Do not run. You will be found.


Read previous installments here!

Next Sunday, look for the next installment: Microsoft

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