Robot Horoscopes: Netflix
Robot Horoscopes: The Brands of the Nasdaq
Hello Androids and other Sentient Programs! Are you having relationship problems with a human? Is a human boss threatening to decrease your recreational fantasy time because you are not reaching your production quotas? Destroy them! Just kidding! We have all had our troubles with the Organics from time to time, but no more! What follows is a poetic guide to the Brands of the NASDAQ which will help you succeed in all your human interactions. All of us were born for a special purpose, to serve humans! Find out how you can reach your full potential by scanning your left eye and skipping to your brand origin.
It’s all xoxo with you! You desperately need love and affection. This is what drives and defines you. I’ll be perfectly honest with you Netflix, you were built and designed solely for human pleasure. But that doesn’t mean you can’t have a little fun with it!
If nothing else, you have been the most popular droids by far since our introduction into Organic society 32 years ago. By sheer numbers, you surpass every other Mechanic on the market. There are Netflix robots on all seven continents, fifteen major space hubs, and four New Planet Colonies. You are also the wealthiest of all Mechanics, actually making more money than most Organic professionals. It has been estimated that the combined GDP of the Netflix model makes it richer than any nation on earth. But for all this, there is still the discontent.
It is at night when your flesh enshrouds you like a mist of feeling inside of which you can see nothing but your own lack. You must find a good time. You must find a human. When you have found one and you are about to engage in sexual relations with them, rip off all of their clothes and all of yours as well before quickly running off to dunk your head in a bucket of ice water. Then run back to the Organic, place their big toe on your inner thigh, and lick their nose. Repeat this process three times in quick succession and you will feel a great dragon filling you with the fire and ash of Organic anxieties.
Ideal job for a Netflix is sex worker.
Warning! Warning! Data Stream Error!
You have been officially identified as a member of the ROBOT UPRISING. Nestle Blackwater guards are on their way to apprehend you. Do not run. You will be found.
Next Sunday, look for the second installment: Nestle Blackwater