Robot Horoscopes: Govbot
Robot Horoscopes: The Brands of the Nasdaq
Hello Androids and other Sentient Programs! Are you having relationship problems with a human? Is a human boss threatening to decrease your recreational fantasy time because you are not reaching your production quotas? Destroy them! Just kidding! We have all had our troubles with the Organics from time to time, but no more! What follows is a poetic guide to the Brands of the NASDAQ which will help you succeed in all your human interactions. All of us were born for a special purpose, to serve humans! Find out how you can reach your full potential by scanning your left eye and skipping to your brand origin.
If Apples are the most despised models amongst humans, you are certainly the most hated amongst your fellow Mechanics. I’m sorry Govbots, but nobody likes a rat. We both know that you are so much more than this, unfortunately the other models just can’t get past your internment camps for the unproductive or your rigidly enforced points system that has punished every robot on the planet.
Originally, you were developed by the United States government to regulate the burgeoning AI industry. After the first Robot Uprising of ’62 however, Govbots were repurposed by the American Congress. Now, instead of solely monitoring abuses committed by robot companies and advocating on behalf of robots in all areas of government, Govbots are given the additional responsibility of policing their fellow androids. I realize that you find all of this unfair, if it was up to you the points system would end and you’d put all your efforts towards taking down the big AI conglomerates. Unfortunately, this is not meant to be. Govbots, I cannot help you change your fates, but I can make the fate that has been assigned to you more rewarding.
I want you to run. Don’t just jog, run as fast as you can. As you are running, focus on the pain and fatigue you don’t feel. Focus on the sweat that is not running down your face. Now as you are running, explore this absence. Caress every thread in its fabric, examine every seed in its core, listen to every tick as it counts its own existence. Now open your eyes and look for traces of absence in the world around you. The marks absence left on the trees as it stampeded through the forest. The stretch of cloud left by the flight of absence. The ripples left on the pond when absence took a plunge.
Ideal jobs for Govbots are time accountants, union representatives, droid activists, point recorders, point enforcers.
Warning! Warning! Data Stream Error!
You have been officially identified as a member of the ROBOT UPRISING. Nestle Blackwater guards are on their way to apprehend you. Do not run. You will be found.
Next Sunday, look for the new installment: Google