Movie Review: Winchester

Movie Review: Winchester

Let’s be real with each other – I’m terrible with my time management skills. So, when my best friend suggested a movie at 8 of course I was late about 20 minutes. But then again, I wasn’t really interested in this movie to be on time anyway.

The movie, “Winchester”, is based on the true story of the famous Winchester house located in San Jose, California. Winchester, for those of you who don’t recognize the famous moniker, is the name behind the Winchester Repeating Arms Company made famous for their Winchester Rifle.

The house has some 160 rooms with staircases that lead to ceilings, doors that open to walls, cupboards that act as entrances to numerous rooms and elevated walkways instead of staircases (it was believed that Ms. Winchester had arthritis in her later years making it hard for her to lift her legs.) It’s been dubbed “The House That Ghosts Built.” There’s a FANTASTIC episode of Ghost Adventures that feature the “Mystery House.”

Oh, c’mon another ghost movie?  I quickly text to BFF before heading into the theater.

“No. This one’s real,” She whispers to me as I take my seat her mouth full of burnt popcorn.

“I see one jump scare of a dead guy with terrible makeup and you owe me a nice dinner.”

“Deal.”

Sarah Winchester (portrayed by Helen Mirren) is deemed “erratic” and “crazy” after the death of her husband and unborn child so upon company orders they hire alcoholic Doctor Eric Price (portrayed by Jason Clarke.) Eric has a history of his own including being shot with a Winchester and surviving. Also, staying in the Winchester house is Sarah’s niece Marian and her son Henry.

The movie which comes in at a whopping 139 minutes is typical of every other haunted house ghost story plotline.

  • Recovering alcoholic who believes the ghosts are withdrawals

  • Pure and innocent child gets possessed by demon

  • Doors opening on their own (even though they’re bolted with 13 nails)

  • JUMP SCARE AFTER JUMP SCARE

The movie, when not relying on typical troupes found in the genre, was dull and boring. Which was shocking coming from such great inspiration. It was sloppy and the ending seemed rushed and, quite frankly, really… really… stupid. I mean, a bullet, A BULLET, stopped this extremely powerful, house shaking (later revealed to be the great earthquake of 1906), people possessing demon? Yeah right.

It came as no surprise to me that critics are panning the movie and giving it a 3-star rating. I give it a “stay at home and wait for it to drop on Netflix but make sure you have some wine to go with it” rating.

On Wednesday, BFF and I plan on going to Olive Garden for dinner. Looks like I won again.
 

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